Paranoia or red flag?
My boyfriend and I had about 2-3 weeks where we were not getting along very well. About two weeks ago, I was on his ipad and saw that he downloaded an app that had tips for flirting. It wasn’t concealed in a folder or anything. When I asked him about it, he said he was looking for tips so that it could help our relationship. Do guys really do this even though we’ve been together for a while or is this to get attention from other girls?
Comments
omg ....
He wanted to flirt. At the time. Maybe still now. Who knows.
Flirting is nothing. It's TOUCHING that's a problem. Even more, it's going to bed with another woman that is huge problem.
But not flirting itself.
Yet .. he lied. No .. he doesn't need to flirt to fix your relationship with him.
But men don't "do" emotions very well, and he knew that if he told you he was doing it to try to attract other women, he was scared you'd freak out on him .. yell, cry, whatever. Guys just can't handle that sort of stuff, and they will lie to keep you from getting upset with them.
So you need to sit down and have a talk about honesty and trust.
That no relationship survives the death of trust. That when YOU trust HIM, you are giving him your trust to take care of, and it is now up to him to not break that trust. Doesn't matter whether you find out or not .. breaking trust is breaking trust.
So if he wants a relationship with you .. or with anyone .. he needs to take care of trust, and to be honest.
And that you know he didn't download tips for flirting because he was trying to help the relationship.
Tell him that anytime he wants to help the relationship, you will be more than happy to go to couples counseling with him (watch him blanch when you say that) .. but that IS how you help a relationship that needs help. Not by flirting with each other.
Also tell him that you need him to take care of your trust, because if he breaks it, it can NOT be whole and intact again. That by lying to you, he has already knocked a chip out of it, and that cannot be fixed. Tell him he needs to think long and hard if he really wants to keep you .. and to act accordingly.
Be ready .. he might decide he doesn't really want you .. but that is always better to find out sooner, rather than later.
And be ready ... if you expect him to be honest, then you too have to do your part .. you have to NOT yell or cry. You have to be calm and fair with him, and work out any difficulties without scenes. That means that when you have feelings inside you that you don't like, even if he is the one who triggered those feelings, that you deal with your own emotions rather than dumping on him. Fair is fair .. you trade your equanimity for his honesty.
And that's how relationships work.
I do it when my girlfriend doesn't get along with me or talk as much to me cause I feel like it's my fault the relationship is falling apart even though its on her faults. A flirting app is pretty worthless I won't lie, don't look much into it
Why would he need to flyer if you are already his girlfriend?