Am I a typical abuser.......?
About a month and a week ago my ex girl stormed out of my apt. On that day before it happened, we had spent the day together without problems. We were reconciling from a previous argument we had last week when she decided to argue about another arguement that took place weeks before that one, oh god!! Anyway coming back to the day she stormed out, leading to that moment she was doing homework on the computer while i was watching tv. I happened to catch a pic of her and someone at the corner of my eye. I asked her about the pic. She did not want to answer. I asked her to show me the pic, she replied "i'm not going to show you anything, i'm doing my homework." I then waited about 5 min and then finally said, "after today i'm not going to talk to you anymore, i'm done with this." I said it because was fed up with all the fighting that has been going on for weeks mainly caused by her poor judgements. Its like a continuous roller coaster ride with her. But i love her. Finally she got up and started to go to the computer as if she was going to show me finally. Then I just sat there and said if you dont show me that pic, i'm really done. She then changed her action of showing me the pic, began packing her stuff and headed out the door and left it wide open on her way out. The next day after I texted her she responded "Ure so stupid, those were pictures of me and my old boss. Keep on being you. I had nothing to hide. I was going to show them to you. As usual u needed things ur way as soon as u said and have no regard for anyone but urself. I was going to show them to you but your i dont care attitude and not caring whether i left or not showed me there was no point. You will forever not care whether i'm in ur life or not as long as ur ego is satisfied. Dont worry, i'll never bother you again because in the end i know what you really are and only i have the sole satisfaction of knowing how stupid you are. After the way u acted last night ur not even worth closing the door behind me. Thank you for making it so easy for me to walk away. Thinking that I have something to hide when i dont and knowing i was going to show them to you, you could not stop your attitude." After all that and time passed i'm thinking about sending her a merry christmas and i hope that you and your family spent it well. What do you guys think?? Was i in the wrong, i bet she would have wanted an answer on the spot if the tables were turned...
Comments
Your efforts to control ex in above scenario even when it meant starting an argument suggest you're an emotional knuckle-scraper who reacts childishly to threat/conflict - that is, immedately with little or no mature second thought to the possible consequences of your explosive reaction. In a relationship, you handle vulnerability by effecting control, which kills love. You are a jailer not a liberator. Why, one wonders? Why can't you let go and trust in your attractions, assuming you have some? You'd be well advised to probe this stuff with a professional before launching yourself on another unsuspecting female. What's worrying here is the pattern. Unless men address such a negative pattern, they're likely to up the ante and become physically threatening/violent. Mere emotional control won't be enough very soon. ... Surely that's not how you want a loved one to think of you. Happily, help is available. See NOMAS links here http://askbiblitz.com/porn.php to get started.
She would probably have the characteristics of being the victim, at least that's what she tells the man who will become her prey. He'll likely hear all her stories of how past boyfriends and ex-husbands all abused her and she will use this as justification for abusing him and, as an excuse for her abusive behavior, "I was treated like a doormat, that's why." She's an expert at reading each man and his needs. She lures them into her world quickly with false promises of passion and love and uses sex as a means of control, manipulation and at times punishment, instead of making love. She'll always blame him for her violent outbursts, screaming and uncontrolled rage, "You make me this way", "You did this to me", she repeatedly tells him. Finally, she resorts to threats of violence and begins to commit acts of physical violence, slapping, punching, kneeing. Once again, she places the blame on the man. You got in my space, as justification for her violence, regardless of the truth. Even after assaulting the man, she quickly begins to tell friends and family how afraid she is of him, yet she's the only one who has struck him. She now claims to be afraid of a man who has never made a threat and never raised a finger to her. She is a master of manipuation of all situations, because she's done this all before. Refusing to accept responsibility for her abuse and violence is an old worn hat for her. I lived it for two years. You can never tell what an abuser sounds or looks like. They may be the VP at a bank and very smart and educated. The one thing you can do is pay attention to the red flags and don't fall into denial. Take action at the first signs and never believe it's going to get better. Some abusers are incredible actresses and professional manipulators and can take anyone for a ride. Its what they do best.
Yes you should send her a merry christmas if she accept she accept she she doesn't its ok.Personally i dont see why she had to behave this way,i think she was just waiting for that perfect to leave you,that is why she left so quick even without both of you discussing.If she didnt have something to hide she wouldnt be pissed this way i honestly think she is hiding something from you.HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU.
If she had nothing to hide, she wouldn't have hid the picture. Let her go. You guys aren't meant for each other and that became evident after reading the first 3 sentences of this question.
I think that You know that You where wrong to say anything when you saw her walking to the computer! Jealousy is very interesting thing..very thin line between cute and obsessive! I bet he got pissed cause you just had to have YOUR word last! I would of gotten mad too! ITs annoying! How ever thats not the only problem you 2 are having and i cant say who is right or wrong!
Not so much, she kind of sounds like a *****. I suppose that there are two sides to every story, and you may be a little bit of a control freak. I would say no.
both of you are at fault but that last one she coulda just showed you the pic she made it look like she was hiding something
all she had to do was show you the pic in the first place. no you werent wrong.
my man would have flipped if i would not have shown him "the pic"
i think you were calm and collected, i dont see a CHRISTmas greeting harmful
good luck
DUDE, WHY ARE YOU SO LAME.............WHO CARES WHAT SHE WANTS ANYWAY....?
SHE'S THE CHICK, SHE NEEDS TO DO WHAT YOU SAY OR VAMOOSE! WHO NEEDS A SNOTTY LITTLE BIOTCH ANYWAY ?.....SHE'S A TOTALL DUECHBAG