Please correct my essay?
The Study of Integrating Digital Archives into eLearning System-Computer Assembly Course as an Example
The advent of the IT era, learners can learn digital multimedia materials in internet, and the preservation and management of digital materials can be accomplished by digital archives.
This study explores how to transform the practical operation of multimedia information and experience into digital multimedia materials and stored in digital archives for eLearning.
Computer assembly is used as an example of the integration of digital archives with Dublin Core to build a digital learning platform for users and students to discuss and solve problem. PHP and MySQL database are used as tools to develop web and by using the method of streaming, video can be viewed simultaneously while downloading. In addition, the website provides online assessment, mockup questions of certification in computer assembly .
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The advent of the IT era allows people to learn by engaging digital multimedia materials online, while ensuring preservation and management of digital materials in virtual archives.
This study explores how to transform the practical operation of multimedia information and experience into digital multimedia materials to be stored in digital archives for eLearning.
Computer assembly is used as an example of the integration of digital archives with Dublin Core to build a digital learning platform that it's users can interact with for discussion and problem solving. PHP and MySQL databases are used as web development tools coupled with streaming audio and video methods. The result is material that can be viewed simultaneously while downloading. In addition, eLearning websites provide online assessment through mockup questions to provide certification in computer assembly .
I have attempted to clean it up and fix the overall flow. You may want to review to make sure that it still conveys the original message. As an observation, and one that isn't intended to sounds as bad as it probably will, I think you're trying too hard to convey your intelligence in your writing. The sentences that you have created are overly complex which is necessitating a proof reader. I think you would be much better off to write in a way that is more natural to you, which would be easier to "self-correct".
Is that your essay? Which parts belong to your essay, anyway? Well here goes (corrected by paragraph). . . .
"The study of integrating digital archives into the eLearning System-Computer Assembly Course as an example"
>>(Is that apart of your essay, or are you just telling us Y!Answerers what the essay is about?*) I changed "Example" to "example" because it doesn't make sense for it start with a capital unless it is the name of something. And an example of what? You need to answer that, especially if this is your intro./thesis. I also added “the” in between “into” and “eLearning” because if you reread your original sentence, it sounds a bit off without it. And unless “study of integrating digital archives” is a name of something, it should not be capitalized, either
"In the advent of the IT era, learners can explore the realms of digital multimedia through the internet. And in order to keep that window of opportunity open, digital archives allow the preservation and management of those materials."
>>I added "In" to the beginning of the paragraph because just stating “The advent of the IT era” doesn’t make sense/sounds wierd. (NOTE: You used "learn" ("learners . . . learn"= repetitive, boring, and obvious) twice in the same sentence. Try to avoid that mistake next time; I changed "learn" to "explore"). You also need to clarify what “IT” means; you can add that in parenthesis. I think my revision to your second sentence is a bit awkward, so keep in mind any changes that you feel will sound better.
“This study explores how to transform the practical operation of multimedia experiences and information through digital multimedia materials, which are stored in digital archives for the purpose of eLearning.”
>>You can compare the changes yourself. (If the very first paragraph (i.e. “The Study of Integrating . . .” is NOT your intro/thesis, then you need to clarify what “this study” by stating that it is “the study of integrating digital archives into the eLearning System-Computer Assembly Course”.)
"Aided by Dublin Core, computer assembly is used as an example of integrating digital archives so as to build a digital learning platform for users and students to discuss and solve problems. Not only are PHP and MySQL databases are used as tools to enhance the web experience, but by using the method of streaming, videos can be viewed simultaneously while downloading those programs. In addition, the website provides online assessment, mockup questions of certification in computer assembly.
>>You need to clarify what “Dublin Core”, “PHP”, and “MySQL” are in order for anyone to really help you with this paragraph. And what “method of streaming” are you talking about? That needs to be clarified as well. You can see the other changes I made yourself. I feel that the last sentence of this paragraph is weak and needs revising, but I’m not sure how to do it, though.
Anyway, this is YOUR ESSAY and the changes are just my suggestions, so feel free to do whatever you want with them. Hopefully, my advice helped!!
Luck! ;D
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UPDATE: Scratch what I just wrote: After reading what the guy that posted above me wrote, I realized that his is WAAAAY much better. Go with his!!
since when are essays 1 paragraph? i want 4 more paragraphs and make it interesting so i dont fall asleep and im pretty sure "eLearning" is not a word
Pretzel is one in each and every of my least popular snacks. even though it appears that evidently appetizing and scrumptious, incredibly, it in no way tastes solid to me. unlike candy and softly-melting cookies, the prezel has a salty style that detracts it from the cost. besides, the toughness is tough because of the fact of salt crystals on the pretzel. the reason that i do unlike pretzel is as a results of its salty style and roughness. even once I consume some pretzles, I generally sense that they uninteresting my style. there are a number of pretzles in my living house, yet I desire candy cookies to tasteless snacks, so i don't consume pretzels in any respect besides, the salt crystals, make my hands sense tough and coarse. hence, i do unlike pretzel in any respect.
Is that it? I would expect at least 500 words.
Go back and do it again properly or it's detention.