How big is my mental sex problem?
I am generally considered a nice, gentle, though strong minded guy who enjoys social life and is polite and charming to ladies and good mates with guys. However, I have always indulged in pornography and erotica over the years I have focused more and more on content which I am sure most people who know me would be shocked by and see as disrespectful to women. It's not sadomasochism, violence or even bondage. But it definitely presents women in situations, positions and involved in activities in which she is subservient, dominated and basically a male sex toy. I am not proud of this and it seems completely at odds with my personality - I am not an alpha male or a guy who has no social skills with women. In fact I'm the opposite. It's almost as if I indulge in these fantasies to counteract an unrealistic 'nice guy' image which I am fed up with. I can't visit my doc cos he knows the family and can not afford private treatment. Anyone experienced this before? What can I do?
Update:Well thanks to all those who have tried to help. As you can imagine, it's not so easy as just stopping the porn... if I really want to. First, I think it's hard for women to understand how addictive porn can be for a guy. We all know that women and men are wired differently in general, and particularly for sex. This is self-evident, hence we have different views so often on this subject, hence it's guys who rape women, not vice versa. No disrespect really, but you have to understand that this is like a drug - it's chemical and finds its way into your sex chemistry up yr brain.
Having said that, there is some truth - you get to the point where you believe you don't want to give it up. And why do that if it's pleasurable? Well, because it is affecting the rest of my life and maybe my view of women and I don't like that and suspect it's really not healthy in the long term.
So thanks to the women who said, go for it, find a submissive in the bedroom - that
Comments
It sounds more normal than you think. I think you should find an open minded girlfriend who will let you experiment with a few things, with her as the submissive, as long as you two have a code word she can say when she wants to quit (and then you quit IMMEDIATELY).
Either that or you have some other issues that are manifesting themselves into a sexual expression. By this, I mean you could actually be concerned with some type of living situation, food situation, job situation, anything. All of these things- home, food, money, sex- are basic needs, and when one of them is off-kilter, you might not exactly know it right off, as the problem will manifest in one of the other areas. If this is the problem, you might then look into alleviating that other situation and then coming back to re-address the sexual issue.
It's not that serious, because basically it's about balance, being more honest.
So to 'unfreeze' your 'good guy' persona, just be a little more honest in daily-life, if you tone-down the 'act', and become a little more real, with good sides, AND bad sides, the desire for extreme-images will fade, because it really is just a coping mechanism to deal with the stress all the 'faking' brings you.
I don't see it as a problem. As long as you're not killing these women in your fantasies. I'm confident, funny, pleasant. And I love to be dominated in the bedroom haha. I told my best friend and she was like "NO WAY". Its just a preference. Even if it's a little weird.
Get a new doctor. Leave the porn alone.
No one forces you to look at porn. You could choose to stop. If you wanted to.