How to properly separate from marriage?
Been married for 4yrs. we constantly fight over... I don't know, The weather, food, decisions, ext (not really the weather,but just about everything). Have 3 small children involved. Only see each other 2 days a week,and still we are at war. Spouse says hates complimenting me because I hear it anyways so doesn't feel the need to add on any details since they are already said by others, in other words: no affection, super controlling for example cuts me off of personal spendings but doesn't allow me to get a job to compensate. love has definatley gotten colder and yet I Love You is still being said, only it feels like love means hate (definately don't want the kids thinking that) Basically we know we need to sepparate and don't really want to think we wasted all this time on eachother so how do we sepparate and Work on this really Mis understood marriage? Is it even really worth it I ask myself
Comments
It absolutely IS worth it because you have 3 kids. You and your husband need couples counseling. He is contolling and he won't believe you if you tell him that but if a therapist tells him, he'll may be more receptive. btw, his excuse is so lame it's not even worth taking seriously "no affection, super controlling for example cuts me off of personal spendings but doesn't allow me to get a job to compensate'
You're the only one who knows if you are happy or not. It sounds like your not. Marriage is hard work. It takes a lot of effort, time, patience, prayers, love and forgiveness and still it may not work out. If you think it is salvageable then try marriage counseling, talk to a religious figure, or ask for friend/family support. Try to find the "root problem." Why does he not compliment you? Why is he so cheap or won't let you work? Maybe his experiences from the past such as not having money growing up, is a big concern of his. Try some exploring and see if you can talk about feelings.
Remember love is not a noun; e.g. a person, place or thing. It is an emotion and it means different things to different people. That being said, its very easy for people to say their "in love" but its hard to really work at it. Statistically, kids are better off if there are two parents involved. Furthermore, a divorcee is more likely to divorce (again) so it means that if you expect to find "Mr. Right" you could be heading down a familiar path.
I think you need to evaluate your self and your situation. Find out what is bothering you, make a list, and then set a neutral site to discuss this with him. Try to get him to come out of his shell (if he's the type to clam up and not talk) so you guys can discuss the issues. Don't make it accusatory, don't be aggressive, don't act like a martyr or stone wall. You both need to figure out the problem.
Good luck!
For the sake of your kids you should make it work. It seems to me your marriage is "Good Enough," there is no abuse (I know the words hurts but they are not huge insults, physically abusive, theft, etc.) but you should get into counseling. If you cannot afford this, see if you can do group therapy through a church. I do not know your situation where you only see one another two days a week, but if you can try to see each other more and see if that brings the connection back.
As long as he is not cheating, I would do everything you can to make it work. Your kids will thank you in the long run and so will your pocket book.
You have to answer whether its worth it or not then decide what you want...once you know all of that then you can take the steps to end the marriage in a civilised manner for the kids