paranoia of violence?
i have this fear of getting physically abused by boyfriends and it really affects my relationships.
sometimes he'll just try to be protective, and i'll freak out.
i get scared easily.
i don't really want to go into therapy becaues i don't consider myself "sick..".
so i don't know, how do people get over it?
Comments
Unfortunately things like this are extremely hard to get past. Most times the best thing you can do is just try to ignore it.
In my previous relationship, my partner was very wary of anything I said or did because of previous things that happened to her, so I can understand where you are coming from.
The best thing to do is be open and honest with your partner about it. Try and expain the feelings as best you can, I know that can be EXTREMELY hard to do, but trust me, that kind of understanding between the two of you will foster a much more trusting relationship and should ease the wariness on your side. Because I don't know you personally, i can onloy assume that it is possibly due to an issue of trust, or that you don't know your partner to the extent that you know whether or not he is capable of that kind of action or not. Unfortunately, some people can be driven to those kind of actions, but you need to know and trust that he is not that kind of person. If you don't, then you may always have that sense of paranoia.
As I said the best thing is to be open and honest, and if he gets defensive about ever doing that kind of thing, don't just accept it and move on, that won't solve anything. Besides, if he really likes you, he will listen, be caring and do his best to earn your trust.
Hope this helps!
First off, why do you think that you have a paranoia of violence in that regard? Do you have an idea of what caused it? Did a male figure in your life abuse you or someone you loved, etc.? And what is your definition of "protective"? Does he cause a scene or yell at you or what? Sweetie, "sick" is just a word. Maybe you're not "sick", but if this fear is drastically affecting your relationships then I would consider talking someone; even a school counselor or friend; you don't need to see a therapist or psychologist or anyone who wants to charge you an arm and a leg for seeing them unless you think you need to. Every person deals with their fears and paranoias in a different way; some people never really "get over" them; but they learn to cope or at least come to terms with what they're dealing with. And like the many people above me said, don't be afraid to talk with your boyfriend; if he loves you then he'll listen and if he doesn't ditch him 'cause you deserve better.
Good luck and take it easy.
Love ~ Lyn Bee
Deal with the issues that are making you feel this way. There's gotta be a hidden reason. Even if you weren't abused as a child, were your parents strict and protective? Maybe you see his protective advances as a re occurence of something that made you sad/uncomfortable about when you were younger. Maybe you're just worrying, because you feel generally insecure in the relationship? Its good to talk to someone, doesn't have to be a therapist....How about the guys you're actually with? Tell them you don't feel comfortable with them being protective, maybe they can help you see that they mean good by it...this might help you overcome it..
I Agree with Lyn Bee
With the % of women who are abused by their men it's not an irrational fear....
I don't think you are sick... You might just be hyper-senstitive to this issue... Or, there might be a reason from your past you have to address... ?
its hard to get over something like that because it happens to people happend to my mother whome passed away the best thing is to talk to some one if you need some one to talk to [email protected] , i know alot and i can help you like a socail worker