Is this a good paragraph?
I just wrote this short paragraph out of boredom.... 
It's about suicide and depression... critiques and comments are welcome. Just want to know how I did on it (No it's not a school assignment) I did this out of boredom and for fun XD
The worst part is knowing you are alone. Alone without a cause, and alone without a feeling in your soul. The wind carries you along the way, not stoping to let you think for yourself. Your heart has no beat, but yet it pumps blood throughout your cold and icy veins that provide no happiness. You feel yourself start to follow the rest, but your mind jumps off a cliff, proving that you are helpless. Most cannot follow these feelings throught the rest of their life, or fight it. All loose hope in you when the only thing you feed on is faith. If faith has its true meaning. But, somehow you seem to have a light in the darkness that always surrounds you. You seem happy, but only in the way it makes you frightned of your next move. Your life is like a chessboard- all of your moves seem to affect your next move- if you decide to take it.While in the shadow of yourself you feel as if your best friend is a knife. The next thing you know, you reach for it- as if it is the only thing left in the world.
Thanks
Oops.... XD I always spell ''loose'' and ''lose'' wrong. Thanks!
Comments
Quite honestly, it doesn't exactly make sense. Especially this part:
"but yet it pumps blood throughout your cold and icy veins that provide no happiness."
I didn't know veins had happiness in the first place. It seems like you were just putting random thoughts together, you probably were, which is all good and nice but you need to let it make sense. At one point you said move about 4 times...okay so it was 3. I don't understand why the best friend thing came into this. I'm assuming that, that was referring to backstabbing? But overall it wasn't terrible. Just organize it a bit better so it makes sense to others.
~*♥Kitten
An essay by no ability jumps time. no remember if it truly is an exposition or illustrative it would desire to pass easily by using time or it is going to likely be incomplete. To do an essay suited you may account for any and all time lapses.
I thought it was really good. It sounded like something from a person's thoughts. Very poetic
It seems accurate and professional.
You seem happy, but only in the way it makes you frightened of your next move: doesn't make sense.
Everybody's 'next move' affects all their other next moves.
'Lose' not 'loose'.
Besides, it was depressing.
my goodness.
thats very relate-able!
its like.. what you cant put into words because people dont seem to get it.
yup