Low Self Esteem?
How can I improve my self esteem? I'm bright, young, good looking etc But I've just started a Masters in a subject I have no experience in (which i have to do as my 1st degree was academic and not practical) which makes me feel worse off than course mates, my g/f and i have had to start a long distance r'ship and we're very uncertain of how long we're gonna be apart, i'm recovering from alcoholism so have had to distance myself from all my heavy drinking mates etc All this stuff's just brought on a load of self-pity and 'poor me' and all that rubbish. I know that but i can't shake it off! Any suggestions would be very welcome! Thanks
Comments
This is surely a common type to have an adjustment disorder. Lots of changes all at once. You are to be commended on stopping your alcohol use. Don't let stress or loneliness lead you back to using it. That should be VERY high on your priority list. Are you satisfied with your course of study/career choice? That's something you can change if it comes to that. Try to make friends. Also strive to avoid poor grades as this will have a negative effect on your self-esteem. If you have free time, try not to spend it all alone. Is there a student hangout, or student center? There's a place to make friends. Also the cafeteria, the TV lounge, a games room, etc. It will just happen.
If this self-pity situation lasts very long, reassess your situation, and consider seeing a physician. They can help with non-addictive medications. Be sure to tell the doctor of your alcohol history.
I am praying for you. You have much adaptation ahead of you. While I'm sure you are up to the task, you need to be sure as well. May God bless you richly.
Curious. I too have just started a masters I don't want to do and find myself totally drowning on the course. I've resolved to quit, however. There are clear implications for self-esteem here I have found. Not only are the people conversing about a subject I know little about, a few of them are from very reputable universities - i.e. Cambridge. It is illogical however to start lambasting yourself for not knowing anything about a course you've never done.
It may also be illogical to continue doing a course you don't know anything about, unless you're committed to learning it within a year and before your dissertation. I fear you might have done like me: chosen a life-changing option without realising its full implications.
As for your girlfriend, if you care about her, tell her this. It'll be the most honest way of working something out. Long distance relationships are by nature fraught with problems. But don't take my word for it - it depends on your level of commitment again.
If you're recovering from alcoholism, then I think this should be a source of self-esteem rather than opposite. It is incredibly difficult to break an addiction, particularly when you belong to a society that obsesses over alcohol.
I'd probably recommend setting yourself goals, but I wouldn't make them too hard to attain. Make sure you get help and advice from your tutors.
If only I had someone to give me advice!
First, a big pat on the back for recovering from alcoholism, it's tough but well worth the effort. It is also the major cause of your low self-esteem, as your brain as well as your body is detoxing and a teeny corner will be eager for the old answer to such feelings - the bottle. DON'T give in!
It is also tough to be without the presence and support of your loved one - but just realise you'll look back on this in a couple of years and be even prouder of your achievements when you have overcome such a mixed bag of challenges as well as the studying.
Helpful hints: St John's Wort helps depression, and 20 minutes brisk walking seems banal but I found it really did blow away the cobwebs of misery after I did it daily for a couple of weeks. Indeed, missing a walk was a quick way back to the 'blues'.
Above all, keep faith that it will all work out well - and it will.
Good luck.
"We must fall, before we can stand up higher".
"Any weakness faced directly is the same thing as greeting a higher strength"
I don't know who said these things, I just kind of remember them.
Read Vernon Howard and Guy Finley books. They completely changed my vision of the world. They are the only things that were able to do it for me. Before I found out about them (which not many people know about) I lived in a very gloomy, threatening, low world. I've been awakened to something new.
Don't worry, its not some wacky religious shiit.
Also read "Happiness Hypothesis" by Jonathan Haidt. A psychologist studying old, theories and combining them with new findings to find the real source of happiness.
Happiness and Self Esteem go hand in hand.
Hang on in there!...Your experiencing new things, and giving up old habits, so right now your in unfamiliar territory, outside of your comfort zone. Situations can & will become clearer...give yourself a break and once in a while...breath...and tell your self you can do this. As for the g/f?, im not going to say that long distance is a doddle, but if its worth something to both of you, you'll come through it..
p.s Well done with giving up the booze :-)
I have never seen the "self esteem meter". We often measure how we feel on the inside with how others look on the outside, but, we don't know how they are feeling. I agree with working with others, get to meetings, put the chairs or make the tea and get involved. Remember you are doing fantastically well, college, masters degree etc. Keep it simple, Clean house, Trust in God and carry the message. God Bless.
Go and join a club - something that's faaar away from your field of study. When I had my daughter the drinking culture stopped for me (not that I was bothered), but it made me notice all the other fab things to do out there that DON'T involve sitting in the pub all day.
This is the right time to sign up to a club - ask at your Student Union for details, they should be able to point you in the right direction...
Oh, and if this inspires you, I've signed up to do our Uni radio station - something that's away from my field of study, but yet still creative. And if I mess up, who cares? I tried it, it's just another thing to tick off my list.
congratulations ...recovering from alcoholism is a very big step and a masters degree is very hard work but it shows that you are are a doer and working at getting your life straight. as for the long distance relationship, if you really love each other you can work at this, if you really love her then don`t mess things up , you can get through all of this. you sound like a very strong willed person, think positive thoughts .good luck for the future.
it sounds to me that you know yourself well and you are educated enough to understand how to cope, but there is just 'something' missing from your life.
i dont think ppl here would really understand because your situation is complicated and could take hours to understand.
in my experience personal relationships are in the top 2 esp regarding self esteem as a successful kid needs a good loving parent. as far as alchaholism is concerned i am guessing its just like any other addiction, i gave up smoking last year and my nurse helper told me the brain needs to be reprogrammed and it takes 3 months to reprogramme the human brain if you dont have a cigarette for 3 months then thats it, sometimes when life gets tough i would love to smoke but i now understand that i cant or i will be back to square one and as its my life its my responsibility. its personality and will power. you clearly have will power as youve changed your circle of friends.
ppl need to be kept busy. if you have goals then it will help you alot, you must stay focused as time flies and we are not here long.
it sounds as though you could benefit from cognitve behaviour therapy. you can access this via counselling arranged by your GP. i had some and it did wonders for my self esteem.
it involves training yourself to recognise a negative thought, such as my mates do better than me and replace it with a positive one, such as i am achieving a great deal from this course and i do see the benefit. i know it sounds corney but it really works. whereas well meaning friends telling you youre ok etc does not.
youve been fantastic kicking the drink which shows you have the strength and determination to succeed in whatever you put your mind to, so go embrace the world my friend!