Does this poem make sense?
In creative writing we are on the poetry unit... now I'm not much of a poet and I deffinitely don't trust myself so I was wondering if you could tell me if my poem makes sense and is cohesive (Note: it's suppose to be sarcastic or satirical a little because its suppose to mimmick one of shakespeares sonnets:
I remember when you told me that lie
That you cared too much so you rushed to leave
Though in choice of death your bliss didn't sigh
Which is now displayed in absence to grieve
We don't miss you this display is of glee
We're know that it is sort of distorted
We're not good at painting the scene, you'll agree
My art amiss critics reported
I've never been fond of brushes in my hand
Eyes deceive, mixing truth with desire
Because truth can't be depicted by man
Befuddling great minds who have conspired
But perhaps the canvas just isn't right
Perhaps if I could paint I'd trust my sight
Update:I know I have a few grammatical errors like we're know should be we know
Comments
It's not at all bad )
Needs a bit of 'polish' otherwise, you have done well...
-