How do you turn your pain into anger?
I know that's not usually a good idea, but I need to learn that approached. I'm currently in a mild depressiona and I would rather be angry than upset. There's some drama going on between my boyfriend and I. I miss him a lot and how things you used to be. Instead of being mad at him when he does certain stuff, I just get hurt. I feel not cared about or whatever. I would like to be able to just get frustrated at him instead of hurting myself. Any ideas?
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Forgiveness...can you hear the haunting organ music when forgiveness is mentioned? Forgiveness elicits a wrinkled brow and a sinking feeling in many of us. How can we possibly forgive someone who has wronged us? If we forgive, do we have to rekindle a relationship with someone from the past? Does this person deserve our charity? Furthermore, if we do forgive those who have wronged us, how can we honestly feel a release from the anger, hurt, disappointment, grief, wound to our self-value, animosity, teeth-grinding and jaw-clenching rage that we hold inside? Can we truly let go of the grudge? Is it possible to be able to forgive and forget? Even if we should forgive, why would we want to?
We want to forgive to free our lives and cut the tie that binds us and our lives to the transgressor. To forgive does not mean you have to become friends with the person who hurt you. Instead, forgiveness can be the agent that frees you to move on and lighten your energy. Many spiritual teachers point out that we form a strong bond to the people we feel injured us. This bond holds us captive until we forgive--only forgiveness cuts the binding tie.
1. Look at circumstances in our own lives and yield to this understanding: People who are malicious, untrustworthy, emotionally disconnected, or incapable of caring actually "know not what they do." This recognition does not excuse the person, but it helps us to release our inner struggle with the notion that this individual could have done something different. The person was not spiritually or emotionally evolved enough to handle it differently. This knowing, at the soul level, is where we release the bondage and pain of our injuries.
2. Write a letter to your boyfriend. In this letter, let him know what he did to hurt you, why it hurt you, and how disappointed or angry you are due to the transgression. Once you are in touch with the pain, you might ask why he did, what he did to you and how he would respond now to your pain. The writing of this letter allows you to gain insight and perspective, whether the infraction was intentional or unintentional. You do not mail the letter to him. It is a tool to assist you in releasing your pain and beginning to forgive. You may gain understanding that people, sometimes, are not evolved emotionally and may have been doing their best at the time. While their behavior is not acceptable, this bit of information may help you free the weight that is keeping you down and sinking in your pain.
3. Reply to yourself with a letter from your boyfriend. This is your chance for him to say to you, "I'm sorry for hurting you," and perhaps to salve your wound. During this part of the healing, the sting will lessen. Would you like for the person to say, "I was wrong to treat you this way"? If so, write this response. Do not suppress your emotions when writing this letter. This is a great opportunity for you to allow a sigh of real relief in the forgiveness process.
4. Use visualization. Another effective forgiveness process is to imagine a gold frame surrounding the face of anyone with whom you would like to
forgive. See him inside the frame and visualize the frame and his
image transforming to gold dust. Blow the gold dust out into the
universe and watch it dissipate into the air and trickle out into space. This beautiful exercise helps you break down the negative energy
and transform it for healing. One additional and interesting forgiveness process is a balloon release image. Place everyone you are ready to forgive in an open field together and tie a balloon to each one. As you work with forgiving each individual, visualize the person floating up to the sky and out into eternity as your pain and grief float away with each person you release.
5. Release the anger from your body. One final forgiveness process is through channeling the anger, pain and frustration into Mother Earth and experiencing a transformation of energy. See the negative energy as an orange light traveling through your body, through the spine and chakras, then down and out of the bottoms of your feet into the earth. Observe the energy as it transforms into a rainbow of light energy, lifting from the earth and expanding out into the universe. Try variations of this process and the visualizations. Sometimes you may allow this rainbow of light to travel up and around the body, and reenter through the crown on the top of the head and then leave the body through the heart in small, heart-shaped rainbows or solid pastel hearts, sending love and light out to the world.
6. Continue working with these processes until thinking of the person who hurt you no longer stings or causes tension. When you reach a point of forgiveness, you feel detached and indifferent in relationship to the event or person connected to the internal strife you formerly experienced. This detachment may come and go at first, until you finally forgive and no longer feel pain when you think of the event or individual. Make this a pleasant--not dreaded--process.
I am Storm Kesocascay. I am a fiction writer and, in my past time, I study The brain and how it works. On a profesional standpoint; you are holding those cruel moments, totally unrelated to the current moment commonly, inside you and it needs releasing. When the brain undergoes an experience it is not used to, it records the event and how it feels. When the emotions you felt at the time is re-experienced, the brain relives it and brings back what you felt. For example; my father and I don't get along. The first time we disagreed, I felt anger inside me, but I was stressed, so now; everytime I am stressed, I feel a little frusturated. The best advice I can give you, on a personal and profesional standpoint, is to relive that moment in your thoughts or dreams and release those emotions you have been holding for so long. Meet your old boyfriend, think about the moment and what could be changed. If any emotions come, don't hesitate. If you do, this will be hard. I hope this helps. Storm Kesocascay.
You will feel anger when you realize this wasn't your fault. It wasn't your fault. Your boyfriend has his own issues, and unbeknownst to you, he's suffered from these issues from an earlier time- even before you came into the picture. That's also not your fault. But people tend to offset their feelings of shame by blaming others- and they find the kindest, most safest people to dump on. That should be a warning sign to you that you're actively a part of something that is beyond your control. You cannot fix yourself to control his abuse and you shouldn't have to. Stop taking the blame.
You'll start to get angry when you realize that there's nothing you could have done to change the outcome of this- and yet, your boyfriend is making it all out to be your fault that you dont try harder. That would piss anybody off- why not you? Get angry and get away. Anger is the motivation you need to say No and Not My Fault.
I have a motto i learned from the Bible I am who I am. Just like you are who you are. Anger comes naturally to people if i knew you better i might have a better solution but probably not. But remember when there's a will there is a way. You not being able to get mad is because your not letting the other person control you. and thats a good thing. I believe you have a strong mind. Unlike me whose is both severely angered and hurt in arguments.
You won't actually be getting angry instead of hurt, you will be getting hurt and angry. Which solves nothing. Without knowing what the real problem is, that is the best answer I can give. If he is cheating, hitting you, or doing anything illegal, then you need to break up though. No matter how much it hurts.